Wherein Harry tries his hand at cooking!

[sniffnoy]

So here I am, at home. My parents are gone for a few days. It's about 20:00, and I need food. Kilroy's is closed; unless I'm going to go out to eat, I'm limited to what I have in the house. What am I going to do?

Well, for the past 2 weeks or so my parents have been demonstrating to me how to cook, and Mom made a point of telling me that there's a hamburger in the freezer.

Well, why not. Hamburger time. I get the thing out, am about to put it in the toaster oven (serves also as a broiler; is that the word? Broiler? Is there such a thing? How else does one broil things? I don't really know) when I remember Mom said I should let it defrost for about 20 minutes first. Right.

20 minutes later, I return, and begin. I remember Dad telling me burgers usually take about 20, 25 minutes, so about 10 minutes in I check to see if I can turn it over. The side currently being cooked looks... weird. Certainly not at all done. I give it another 5 minutes and turn it over. About 10 minutes later... ? I don't know, that definitely does not look cooked... I give it another 5 minutes and turn it over again.

Repeat, maybe about 4 or 5 times, though with shorter intervals of time; finally, it looks thoroughly cooked. I take it out, put in on a plate (what, you thought I was going to go to the trouble of warming up a hamburger bun as well?), attempt to stick a fork in it, and... yeah. The word "attempt" is key there. Well, I sure don't have to worry I didn't cook it thoroughly enough.

Many minutes and one disgusting, burnt, burger later, I am still hungry. Clearly cooking anything more is out of the question. I'm not all that hungry, and none of the various microwavables we have on hand are really small enough for what I'm looking for.

So... ice cream. Yes. One burnt hamburger and a bunch of chocolate ice cream. I think tomorrow I'll make sure to buy some microwavables during the day.

-Harry

Comments

[nick [toreun.org] (from livejournal.com)]

dude, cook it on a grill. 5-10 minutes, max.

[sniffnoy.livejournal.com]

But... but... it didn't look done at all! :-/

[(Anonymous)]

Your whole post about the hambuger had me laughing out loud with memories. Many years ago, I decided I would cook a steak for a young man who was coming to my apartment. I asked at work how to cook steaks. They told me, "Put salt and pepper on one side. Put the steak under the broiler for five minutes. Turn it over. Salt and pepper the other side. Put it back under the broiler for five minutes. It should be just right."

I followed the directions exactly, or I thought I did. My experience almost exactly mirrored yours. After five minutes, the steaks looked raw, but I dutifully turned them over and seasoned the opposite sides. After five minutes later, they still looked raw, so I kept cooking them and checking them every few minutes to see if they were done. After 45 minutes(!), the exteriors were brown, but more of a pasty brown than the crispy brown that steaks usually are. Nevertheless, I decided they must be done. Like your hamburger, penetrating them with a fork was hopeless.

The next day, I asked my co-workers what could have been the problem. After much discussion, they asked me where I had put the steaks. "In the oven, of course." Only then did I discover that the broiler on my gas oven was beneath the regular oven, not in the regular oven like it is in an electric stove. I'd been baking those poor steaks for 45 minutes!

I'm guessing you baked your hamburger, too. I'm not sure whether that was because you didn't have the controls set correctly or because you didn't leave the door open. You have to leave the door cracked to broil things. Leaving the door open releases some heat, which the oven thermostat detects. With the interior temperature going down, the thermostat signals the element to stay red hot. If you close the door, the thermostat will signal the element to cool down until the temperature goes down. Without the intense heat from the red hot burner, you bake the meat.

Best of luck with future cooking endeavors!

[sniffnoy.livejournal.com]

Ah, that was probably it - I don't think anyone ever told me to crack the door open, and I remember for certain that I didn't. Thank you!

So, do you have a name, or will I have to recognize your posts by your IP address?