Yar! Name thieves!

[sniffnoy]

It would be nice if I had the complete logs, but here's my side:
(Note that stuff quoted to me by Xiao has brackets rather than parentheses on its timestamps.)
(I've tried to keep this as continuous as possible, while still mostly chronological.)

(23:24:15) Sniffnoy: we need a larger board
(23:24:28) NAR8789: mmm?
(23:24:30) NAR8789: board?
(23:24:32) Sniffnoy: board!
(23:24:39) NAR8789: ooo maybe you could make it out of clipboards
(23:25:16) Sniffnoy: but clipboards only stay together in one dimension
(23:25:25) Sniffnoy: we need a two-dimensional board
(23:25:31) NAR8789: oooo
(23:25:56) NAR8789: well I'm sure there's some clever way to clip clipboards together two-dimensionally
(23:26:47) Sniffnoy: hm, actually, due to how they're oriented, it doesn't seem like clipboards would even stick together one-dimensionally
(23:26:51) Sniffnoy: since the clips point inwards
(23:27:02) Sniffnoy: well, they do, but it takes a lot of them, rather
(23:27:26) NAR8789: aye, there is a giant surplus of clipboards at Random Hall
(23:27:30) NAR8789: from HMMT
(23:27:39) NAR8789: which I didn't know when it was so I wasn't there...
(23:27:41) NAR8789: but I got clipboards
(23:27:48) Sniffnoy: yay clipboards!
(23:27:54) NAR8789: yay!
(23:28:04) Sniffnoy: yeah, they called one guy down for an individual award who had your name
(23:28:25) NAR8789: somebody stole my name???
(23:28:26) NAR8789: awww
(23:30:29) Sniffnoy: well, maybe not your middle name
(23:30:48) NAR8789: mmm well that's good I suppose
(23:30:57) NAR8789: my full name used to be just my first and middle name
(23:30:58) NAR8789: s
(23:31:03) Sniffnoy: yeah, you told me
(23:31:18) NAR8789: I guess in that case I actually stole his name
(23:31:32) Sniffnoy: hm, true
(23:31:38) NAR8789: next I shall steal yours!
(23:31:50) Sniffnoy: no!
(23:31:55) NAR8789: muahahahaha!
(23:32:06) Sniffnoy: wait, would you then be Harry Xiao Huang Fan Altman?
(23:32:21) NAR8789: yes!
(23:32:23) NAR8789: precisely!
(23:32:45) Sniffnoy: ah! but then I would still have my middle name too!
(23:32:49) Sniffnoy: where would you put it?
(23:32:50) NAR8789: ohhhh
(23:32:56) NAR8789: hmmmm
(23:33:13) NAR8789: I would splice it into Huang somehow
(23:34:09) Sniffnoy: ah, but then it would not be a separate name
(23:34:18) NAR8789: hmmm
(23:36:40) NAR8789: perhaps I shall have it pronoucned at the same time as Xiao Huang Fan?
(23:37:03) Sniffnoy: would you need two people to say it?
(23:37:14) NAR8789: no, it must be said by one person
(23:37:33) NAR8789: perhaps with two voiceboxes
(23:38:20) Sniffnoy: and how would it be written?
(23:39:02) NAR8789: your middle name over Xiao Huang Fan.Harry and Altman would be centered about the line between the middle names
(23:39:21) Sniffnoy: so something like
(23:40:15) Sniffnoy: 
           Huang
Harry Xiao       Fan Altman
           Jacob
(23:40:41) NAR8789: yes, something like that
(23:42:08) Sniffnoy: don't you think someone will catch you if you steal that many names?
(23:42:39) Sniffnoy: I mean, that's a bit conspicuous, no?
(23:43:28) NAR8789: I'll tell them it's because I'm from a foreign country
(23:44:34) Sniffnoy: where they write names on top of each other?
(23:44:39) NAR8789: yes
(23:44:50) NAR8789: it's common practice where I come from
(23:44:57) Sniffnoy: ooh
(23:45:13) Sniffnoy: how many do you suppose you can get away with?
(23:46:30) NAR8789: well historically name-thieving has not been a very well-known crime, so provided I stay in the US I don't think I'll ever be caught
(23:46:33) NAR8789: it's the perfect crime!
(23:46:36) Sniffnoy: *gasp*
(23:46:42) NAR8789: muahahahaha!
(23:46:59) NAR8789: also, how would they ever process me with my name changing so rapidly?
(23:47:08) Sniffnoy: point.
(23:48:13) Sniffnoy: but, eventually you'd have to stop, and then they'd notice
(23:48:38) Sniffnoy: also, won't they notice all the nameless people wandering around?
(23:49:37) NAR8789: hmmmmm...
(23:51:26) Sniffnoy: I think I'll ask people what they would do if their name were stolen, and then set you on them
(23:51:51) NAR8789: ooo yay!

(23:52:08) Sniffnoy: What would you do if your name were stolen?
(23:52:21) fergie142857: Ruin my good name,
(23:52:32) fergie142857: so that the thief would be ashamed to keep it.
(23:52:34) fergie142857: :-D
[My own note: That's kind of already done, isn't it?]

(23:52:35) Sniffnoy: OK, attack Fergie!
(23:54:01) NAR8789: nooo....!!! fergie is counterrobbing me!
(23:54:03) NAR8789: of my mind!
(23:54:21) Sniffnoy: explain?
(23:54:38) NAR8789:
[23:51:12] NAR8789: muaha! I am robbing you of your name!
[23:51:19] fergie142857: Guess what!
[23:51:22] NAR8789: what?
[23:51:26] fergie142857: I did manage to beat my record!
[23:51:34] fergie142857: It's now 2.125 inches,
[23:51:37] fergie142857: and not 2 inches!
[23:51:41] fergie142857: :-D
[23:51:44] NAR8789: ...????
(23:55:03) Sniffnoy: eep...
(23:55:07) Sniffnoy: *shudders*
(23:55:30) NAR8789: clearly, Fergie is far more knowledgeable about name theft than the average american
(23:56:21) Sniffnoy: hm
(23:56:23) Sniffnoy: OK, new targer
(23:56:27) Sniffnoy: target*
(23:57:38) NAR8789: I think I've been thorougly beaten by Fergie
(23:57:40) NAR8789: 
[23:55:00] fergie142857: And now,
[23:55:04] fergie142857: since you stole my name,
[23:55:12] fergie142857: you will be the next goatse man!
[23:55:17] fergie142857: Bwaaaaahahahaha!
[23:55:21] NAR8789: nooooooo!!!!!!!!
[23:55:25] fergie142857: YEEEEEEEEES!
(23:58:01) NAR8789: anyways, who's the next target?
(23:59:01) Sniffnoy: well, I don't see any good targets that you would recognize, so let's try this one... AIM name of Demosthenes36... first name of Sydney, last name Levine... her middle name, I don't know... wait for my signal
(23:59:10) Sniffnoy: oh gee
(23:59:11) Sniffnoy: wait
(23:59:18) Sniffnoy: it might not be a good idea for you to steal a girl's name
(23:59:52) NAR8789: eh, sydney can be a boy's name
(00:00:01) Sniffnoy: alright then

(00:00:10) Sniffnoy: what would you do if your name were stolen?
(00:00:26) Demosthenes36: steal yours!
(00:00:35) Sniffnoy: even if I didn't steal it?
(00:00:40) Demosthenes36: yes!
(00:00:52) Sniffnoy: and what if I don't have it?
(00:01:05) Demosthenes36: you dont have your own name?

(00:01:13) Sniffnoy: now!

(00:01:23) Sniffnoy: no, and that *points* is why
(00:01:35) Demosthenes36: *gasp*
(00:01:41) Demosthenes36: surely not that
(00:02:07) Sniffnoy: yeah, after he stole my name I decided to just go along and help him pick targets
(00:02:08) Demosthenes36: funny.
(00:02:40) Sniffnoy: first we went after Fergie, actually, but that kind of backfired pretty badly
(00:03:02) Demosthenes36: how so?
(00:03:31) Sniffnoy: 
[23:51:12] NAR8789: muaha! I am robbing you of your name!
[23:51:19] fergie142857: Guess what!
[23:51:22] NAR8789: what?
[23:51:26] fergie142857: I did manage to beat my record!
[23:51:34] fergie142857: It's now 2.125 inches,
[23:51:37] fergie142857: and not 2 inches!
[23:51:41] fergie142857: :-D
[23:51:44] NAR8789: ...????
(00:04:28) Demosthenes36: hahahaha

(00:05:44) Sniffnoy: do you have it yet?
(00:06:42) NAR8789: she's... refusing to hand over her name
(00:06:50) Sniffnoy: !
(00:07:00) Sniffnoy: details?
(00:07:34) Sniffnoy: split it up, DC doesn't work on this computer
(00:07:54) NAR8789: ohh
(00:07:55) NAR8789: okie
(00:08:03) NAR8789:
[23:59:57] NAR8789: I am the name bandit!
[00:00:04] NAR8789: Hand over your name or face the consequences!
[00:00:43] Demosthenes36: well, where are the consequences?
[00:01:07] NAR8789: ummmm... I'll... illegally copy your name!
[00:01:20] NAR8789: for I am the nefarious name bandit!
[00:01:31] Demosthenes36: thats not a location.  how can i face the illegal copying of my name?
[00:01:40] Demosthenes36: *gasp* no!
[00:01:50] Demosthenes36: not THE nefarious name bandit?
[00:01:54] NAR8789: yes!
[00:01:59] Demosthenes36: surley youre joking!
[00:02:09] NAR8789: I began as Xiao Huang
(00:08:10) NAR8789: 
[00:02:13] NAR8789: then I became Xiao Huang Fan
[00:02:22] NAR8789: now  
             Huang
  Harry Xiao       Fan Altman
             Jacob
[00:03:00] NAR8789: and soon, soon I shall be 
                             Huang
 Sydney Harry Xiao       Fan Altman Levine!
                              Jacob
[00:03:25] NAR8789: muahahahahah!
[00:03:30] Demosthenes36: oh, nonsence
[00:03:35] Demosthenes36: my name doesnt flow there
[00:03:45] Demosthenes36: youll embarass yourself going around telling people that name
[00:04:10] Demosthenes36: you should steal....JT's name!
(00:08:19) NAR8789: 
[00:04:12] NAR8789: but... but... no I wont
[00:04:14] NAR8789: you lie!
[00:04:19] Demosthenes36: hardly. 
[00:04:23] NAR8789: you just want to keep your name to yourself!
[00:04:24] Demosthenes36: dont be ridiculous
[00:04:25] NAR8789: hand it over!
[00:04:28] Demosthenes36: oh, no
[00:04:32] Demosthenes36: you misunderstand
[00:04:38] Demosthenes36: its not about ME wantint to keep my name
[00:04:46] Demosthenes36: its about me looking out for YOUR best interests
[00:04:51] Demosthenes36: im just trying to protect you
[00:05:10] Demosthenes36: and laugh with the others
[00:05:06] Demosthenes36: of course, if you want to compltely ignore my advice, id be happy to give you my name
[00:05:18] Demosthenes36: when you go around touting a name like that
[00:05:40] NAR8789: yes yes, now hand it over
[00:05:50] NAR8789: or the illegal copying shall begin!

(00:09:17) Demosthenes36: whos xiao huang?
(00:10:05) Sniffnoy: 
                 Jacob
that's Harry Xiao      Fan Altman
                 Huang
(00:10:26) Demosthenes36: ok, whos NAR8789?
(00:10:46) Demosthenes36: or rather, who did he/she start out as?
(00:10:47) Sniffnoy: why, he's
                 Jacob
that's Harry Xiao      Fan Altman :D
                 Huang
(00:10:56) Demosthenes36: yeah, i saw that coming from A MILE away
(00:10:57) Sniffnoy: oh, well he started out as Xiao Huang, as he said
(00:11:05) Demosthenes36: but...who is that?!
(00:11:32) Sniffnoy: well, it's who
                 Jacob
that's Harry Xiao      Fan Altman
                 Huang
used to be
(00:11:43) Sniffnoy: who Harry*
(00:11:57) Demosthenes36: indeed.

(00:12:11) Sniffnoy: so do you have her name?
(00:12:59) NAR8789: yes yes, once I sign this contract never to give it back
(00:13:16) Sniffnoy: yay!
(00:13:43) NAR8789: though this is a rather odd contract for someone having their name stolen to insist I sign...
(00:14:05) Sniffnoy: true
(00:15:18) NAR8789: oh no!
(00:15:24) Sniffnoy: what?
(00:15:46) NAR8789: 
[00:06:19] Demosthenes36: well...if  you insist
[00:06:24] Demosthenes36: theres just one minor detail first
[00:06:29] NAR8789: whassat?
[00:06:33] Demosthenes36: im sure you wont mind
[00:06:38] Demosthenes36: but you must sign this contract
[00:06:46] Demosthenes36: saying that you wont try to give me back the name
[00:06:49] Demosthenes36: after you steal it
[00:06:58] Demosthenes36: because...that would be awfuly inconvenient
[00:07:07] NAR8789: why is that?
[00:07:28] NAR8789: and can I still pawn it off on other people after stealing it?
[00:07:45] Demosthenes36: thats up to them, i guess
[00:08:06] Demosthenes36: im just trying to protect my rights
[00:08:36] NAR8789: sooo... after signing the contract I get to have your name then?
[00:08:54] NAR8789: although... what if I give the name to someone else, and then they try to give it back to you?
[00:09:51] Demosthenes36: nope.  wont work.  the contract explicitely states that i cannot have that name ever again.  via any means.
(00:16:43) Sniffnoy: continue?
(00:16:51) NAR8789: 
[00:10:41] Demosthenes36: so...if all that's settled...just sign HERE on the dotted line, please
[00:10:46] NAR8789: okie!
[00:11:24] NAR8789: *scribble scribble*
[00:11:26] NAR8789: done!
[00:12:27] Demosthenes36: thank you very much.  that'll be one egyptian monkey, one julius caesar, two planets mars, and twelve pennies from the year 1832.
[00:12:28] NAR8789: thus I declare myself 
                              Huang
  Sydney Harry Xiao       Fan Altman Levine!
                               Jacob
[00:12:29] Demosthenes36: please.
[00:12:35] Demosthenes36: not until the payment, surely!
[00:12:36] NAR8789: wait a minute
[00:12:40] NAR8789: payment?
[00:12:49] Demosthenes36: as stated in the contract!
[00:12:51] NAR8789: I wasn't informed of any payment
[00:12:59] NAR8789: but... I'm a bandit!
[00:13:00] Demosthenes36: did you or did you not read the contract?
[00:13:06] NAR8789: I'm not supposed to pay for the names I take
(00:17:06) NAR8789: 
[00:13:09] Demosthenes36: all bandits sign contracts
[00:13:15] NAR8789: how else would I become nefarious?
[00:13:19] Demosthenes36: too late for that line of thought, isnt it?
[00:13:24] Demosthenes36: you already signed
[00:14:23] NAR8789: waitaminute... who is the payment made out to?
[00:14:52] Demosthenes36: and FURTHERMORE...you signed your name as  
               Huang
  Harry Xiao       Fan Altman
             Jacob
 meaning that the terms only apply to said person.  and therefore...its impossible for me to agree to give you my name bc then you would not be the signed party.  and i would be illegally forfeiting my name.
(00:17:55) Sniffnoy: bah! That happens afterward!
(00:18:47) Sniffnoy: I suggest we run away... notice the payment she demanded?
(00:18:58) NAR8789: aye that I did
(00:19:05) Sniffnoy: I'm guessing... she's actually the Internet Oracle
(00:19:17) Sniffnoy: temporarily, anyway
(00:19:34) NAR8789: ooo

(00:19:34) Demosthenes36: ok...who IS this?
(00:19:42) Demosthenes36: is his/her name really xiao?
(00:20:51) Sniffnoy: *dead horse* his name is Harry now, as you may recall :)

(00:19:50) NAR8789: wait wait I'm about to acquire her old shoes
(00:19:51) NAR8789: [00:15:07] Demosthenes36: so it seems....my nefarious friend, we have reached an impasse
[00:15:40] NAR8789: nooooooo!!! I knew I should never have gotten myself into legal issues over this!
[00:15:52] NAR8789: what are you, some sort of name lawyer?
[00:15:53] Demosthenes36: :)  you can have my old shoes, though
[00:15:57] Demosthenes36: those are quite nice
[00:16:17] NAR8789: but... I came here for the name
[00:16:27] NAR8789: [00:15:58] Sniffnoy: bah! That happens afterward!
[00:16:39] NAR8789: ummm... in reference to your point about the contract that was
[00:16:42] NAR8789: so there!
[00:16:46] NAR8789:  the contract is valid!
[00:16:52] NAR8789: wait.. but I still don't want to make payment
[00:17:27] NAR8789: well... do your old shoes come with any strings attached like your name does?
(00:19:58) NAR8789: that's almost as good as a name isn't it?
(00:20:26) Sniffnoy: I suppose so

(00:21:15) Sniffnoy: are you really the Internet Oracle?
(00:21:27) Demosthenes36: sometimes.
(00:21:37) Sniffnoy: thought so

(00:21:55) Sniffnoy: as for strings, I should hope they have shoelaces...
(00:22:15) NAR8789: she says she'll give those to me free of charge if I can guess their names1
(00:22:23) Sniffnoy: oh my
(00:22:46) Sniffnoy: well I don't know

(00:23:06) Demosthenes36: do you know what the little things on the ends of show laces are called?
(00:23:15) Sniffnoy: oh, I used to
(00:23:33) Sniffnoy: or rather, I heard it once and then totally forgot it
(00:23:42) Demosthenes36: me too

(00:24:13) Sniffnoy: Harry! She's going to try to not have to give you the little things on the ends of the laces!
(00:25:15) NAR8789: wait... one of their names is Harry you mean?
(00:25:22) NAR8789: well what's the other one?
(00:25:24) Sniffnoy: no, I was addressing you
(00:25:29) Sniffnoy: your name is Harry, remember?
(00:25:29) NAR8789: ohhhhh
(00:25:31) NAR8789: right
(00:25:53) NAR8789: well I'm afraid I've already marched away in defeat, emptyhanded
(00:26:07) NAR8789: she is simply too well versed in the legal matters of name exchange
(00:26:20) Sniffnoy: I tell you, she's the Internet Oracle right now
(00:26:36) NAR8789: shall we attempt again when she's not the Internet Oracle?
(00:26:41) Sniffnoy: perhaps

(00:26:51) Demosthenes36: aglets?
(00:27:08) Sniffnoy: that may have been it
(00:28:27) Sniffnoy: ah, so it is
(00:28:37) Sniffnoy: also "aiglet"
(00:28:41) Demosthenes36: ah

(00:30:39) Sniffnoy: well, that's enough name-thievery for me for tonight; time to go steal some food instead
(00:30:54) Sniffnoy: g'night
(00:31:15) NAR8789: 'night

(00:30:58) Sniffnoy: well, that's enough name-thievery for me for tonight; time to go steal some food instead
(00:31:08) Sniffnoy: g'night
(00:31:12) Demosthenes36: an enterprise i enjoy
(00:31:14) Demosthenes36: night
[Hungry, I sign off.]