Resolution:
1. Mike Dvorak lent me an Ubuntu CD. It didn't work either. Conclusion: Either my CD drive is just broken, or I had to actually give it priority instead of just selecting it from the boot menu (which would be dumb).
2. Somehow, I had entirely forgotten that we had another computer in the basement. Flash drive made, problem solved. Yes, I really forgot about that. No, I don't know how.
-Harry
1. Mike Dvorak lent me an Ubuntu CD. It didn't work either. Conclusion: Either my CD drive is just broken, or I had to actually give it priority instead of just selecting it from the boot menu (which would be dumb).
2. Somehow, I had entirely forgotten that we had another computer in the basement. Flash drive made, problem solved. Yes, I really forgot about that. No, I don't know how.
-Harry