Against extra vowels and syllables
Feb. 8th, 2026 02:27 amPeople keep needlessly adding vowels to things, and I think it'd be better if they didn't.
The other day my roommate Geoff received a package via the US Postal Service -- the USPS. He decidedly to jokingly pronounce this initialism as if it were a word -- "uspis", he said. (Sorry, no, I'm not going to bother with IPA or anything here.)
Except... "uspis"? No. That should be "usps". One syllable. There isn't a need to add an additional vowel between the "p" and the "s"; not only is it perfectly pronounceable as-is, but that combination of sounds even occurs in such common English words as "wasps". It shouldn't be any sort of phonotactic problem for an English speaker.
I see this sort of thing commonly and it bugs me -- people adding vowels and syllables where they just don't need to. Now I realize that adding vowels requires less thinking -- it's easier to just separate consonants with vowels than think about how to form them into clusters -- and that in many cases there just isn't any reason for people to put in that extra effort, because, they're, y'know, just trying to pronounce something quickly. (Although it seems to me that there are many cases where people add vowels even when no effort is required!) But when you're doing it deliberately for humor value then you'd want to try to optimize that, right? And consonant clusters are funnier than extra vowels! Like, "snunch" is funnier than "sanunnich", right? Sure, an Italian would have trouble with it, but this is English; we're known for our weird consonant clusters, they shouldn't be difficult for us.
Let's consider the exampe of "Fblthp". "Fblthp" is the name of a character from Magic: The Gathering, introduced in 2013 in the flavor text of the card Totally Lost. He's a homunculus, and his name has no vowels on it. People found the flavor text funny and so Fblthp reappeared and eventually got his own card. This also led to a more general pattern in Magic of homunculi receving names with no vowels in their spellings -- Zndrsplt, Vnxwt. But let's focus on Fblthp.
People generally tend to pronounce the name "Fblthp" as "fibble-thip" (yes sorry no IPA). And "fibble-thip" is a pretty funny name! But what would be funnier is reading "Fblthp" as it is written, which is totally doable. "Fb" is the onset; "l" is the nucleus; "thp" is the coda. One syllable, no vowels. Yeah not all of those clusters are permitted in English -- but that's part of what makes it funny! And look -- I'm not actually a linguist, y'know? Hell, I'm not even actually a conlanger -- I'm just a guy who reads about linguistics or conlanging sometimes. I'm a monolingual English speaker. There's all *sorts* of clusters that occur in other languages that I can't pronounce. I can't say "Gbagbo". Hell, I still can't tell an aspirated consonant from an unaspirated one. But I can say "Fblthp" no problem -- no vowels.
I want to break this down a bit more -- part of the humor is the fact that the name is so alien, right? Not having vowels (or at least none in the spelling) is an alien feature. If you pronounce it as "fibble-thip", you're making it less alien and less humorous. Don't add vowels!
Now for "Zndrsplt" or "Vnwxt" I have no idea how you do that. For those I have to add at least some vowels. Still it bugs me how people add more vowels/syllables than they need to -- like, "Vnwxt" generally gets rendered as three syllables, when it only needs to be two. People pronounce that "wxt" as if it were "wixit", but it could easily be "wixt". Again, this consonant cluster occurs in English words like "betwixt" -- an English speaker should be able to say it no problem! Why are people acting like they can't?
(Another common example is "Cthulhu". Why add a vowel between the "c" and the "th"? Yes, it's an unusual consonant cluster... but that's what makes it sound alien! And like it's not even *that* alien, it occurs in the word "cthonic" for instance. I can say "cth" a hell of a lot easier than I can say "gb" (which I basically just can't), as I noted above. Go with the more alien-sounding pronunciation! I like to draw the syllable break between the "l" and the "h" -- "Cthul-hu". Most people leave the second "h" silent. Bah. What's the point of it then? Anyway I think my way sounds cooler. :P )
Point is, consonant clusters are cool, complex consonant clusters are cooler, people should use more of them in their made-up words; adding extra vowels to break them up is lame and people should do less of that.
-Harry
The other day my roommate Geoff received a package via the US Postal Service -- the USPS. He decidedly to jokingly pronounce this initialism as if it were a word -- "uspis", he said. (Sorry, no, I'm not going to bother with IPA or anything here.)
Except... "uspis"? No. That should be "usps". One syllable. There isn't a need to add an additional vowel between the "p" and the "s"; not only is it perfectly pronounceable as-is, but that combination of sounds even occurs in such common English words as "wasps". It shouldn't be any sort of phonotactic problem for an English speaker.
I see this sort of thing commonly and it bugs me -- people adding vowels and syllables where they just don't need to. Now I realize that adding vowels requires less thinking -- it's easier to just separate consonants with vowels than think about how to form them into clusters -- and that in many cases there just isn't any reason for people to put in that extra effort, because, they're, y'know, just trying to pronounce something quickly. (Although it seems to me that there are many cases where people add vowels even when no effort is required!) But when you're doing it deliberately for humor value then you'd want to try to optimize that, right? And consonant clusters are funnier than extra vowels! Like, "snunch" is funnier than "sanunnich", right? Sure, an Italian would have trouble with it, but this is English; we're known for our weird consonant clusters, they shouldn't be difficult for us.
Let's consider the exampe of "Fblthp". "Fblthp" is the name of a character from Magic: The Gathering, introduced in 2013 in the flavor text of the card Totally Lost. He's a homunculus, and his name has no vowels on it. People found the flavor text funny and so Fblthp reappeared and eventually got his own card. This also led to a more general pattern in Magic of homunculi receving names with no vowels in their spellings -- Zndrsplt, Vnxwt. But let's focus on Fblthp.
People generally tend to pronounce the name "Fblthp" as "fibble-thip" (yes sorry no IPA). And "fibble-thip" is a pretty funny name! But what would be funnier is reading "Fblthp" as it is written, which is totally doable. "Fb" is the onset; "l" is the nucleus; "thp" is the coda. One syllable, no vowels. Yeah not all of those clusters are permitted in English -- but that's part of what makes it funny! And look -- I'm not actually a linguist, y'know? Hell, I'm not even actually a conlanger -- I'm just a guy who reads about linguistics or conlanging sometimes. I'm a monolingual English speaker. There's all *sorts* of clusters that occur in other languages that I can't pronounce. I can't say "Gbagbo". Hell, I still can't tell an aspirated consonant from an unaspirated one. But I can say "Fblthp" no problem -- no vowels.
I want to break this down a bit more -- part of the humor is the fact that the name is so alien, right? Not having vowels (or at least none in the spelling) is an alien feature. If you pronounce it as "fibble-thip", you're making it less alien and less humorous. Don't add vowels!
Now for "Zndrsplt" or "Vnwxt" I have no idea how you do that. For those I have to add at least some vowels. Still it bugs me how people add more vowels/syllables than they need to -- like, "Vnwxt" generally gets rendered as three syllables, when it only needs to be two. People pronounce that "wxt" as if it were "wixit", but it could easily be "wixt". Again, this consonant cluster occurs in English words like "betwixt" -- an English speaker should be able to say it no problem! Why are people acting like they can't?
(Another common example is "Cthulhu". Why add a vowel between the "c" and the "th"? Yes, it's an unusual consonant cluster... but that's what makes it sound alien! And like it's not even *that* alien, it occurs in the word "cthonic" for instance. I can say "cth" a hell of a lot easier than I can say "gb" (which I basically just can't), as I noted above. Go with the more alien-sounding pronunciation! I like to draw the syllable break between the "l" and the "h" -- "Cthul-hu". Most people leave the second "h" silent. Bah. What's the point of it then? Anyway I think my way sounds cooler. :P )
Point is, consonant clusters are cool, complex consonant clusters are cooler, people should use more of them in their made-up words; adding extra vowels to break them up is lame and people should do less of that.
-Harry
