Lucas is indeed a fnarp

So I used as my away message for several hours the "Lucas is a fnarp" song from before, adding two lines at the end:

He knows that eating green sludge is bad for you!
That's Lucas, the cannibalistic fnarp!

I got the following message from Lisa:

(19:28:53) lw4n9: hi harry
(19:28:53) Sniffnoy <AUTO-REPLY> : [Long song about Lucas being a cannibalistic fnarp]
(19:29:07) lw4n9: i protest that lucas feeds fnarps to his dog
(19:29:10) lw4n9: he doesn't have on
(19:29:15) lw4n9: and what is a fnarp anyway

I like how she has no objection to me claiming he feeds them to his elephant, just to his dog. :D

So I reply:

(19:45:53) Sniffnoy: Lucas is indeed a fnarp
(19:49:19) lw4n9: whats a fnarp
(19:49:52) Sniffnoy: it's what Lucas is and eats for breakfast (but not for lunch)
(19:50:05) Sniffnoy: it's what he eats with a metal spoon from a wooden bowl
(19:50:23) Sniffnoy: it's what he feeds to his dog and his hamster, and what they eat for dinner
(19:50:33) lw4n9: but he has niether
(19:50:43) Sniffnoy: surely he does
(19:50:54) Sniffnoy: it's also what his 87 plastic spoons eat
(19:51:01) lw4n9: i stayed with him for 5 days and i saw not a sign of one
(19:51:18) Sniffnoy: it's what he feeds to his elephant and puts in his rubberbands and ropes
(19:52:47) lw4n9: elephant
(19:52:53) Sniffnoy: yes, elephant
(19:52:57) lw4n9: but he doesn't have any
(19:53:05) Sniffnoy: it's what he feeds to his elephant, or else it would just have to eat woodchips all day
(19:53:25) Sniffnoy: surely he does, he feeds it fnarps every day
(19:53:31) Sniffnoy: he's Lucas, the cannibalistic fnarp
(19:54:49) Sniffnoy: as the song says
(19:54:54) lw4n9: you have a song?
(19:55:00) Sniffnoy: see above

-Sniffnoy

Oh, Lucas is a fnarp

(16:18:38) Tavgfrg: Lucas is a fnarp
(16:18:43) Tavgfrg: He eats fnarps for breakfast
(16:18:48) Tavgfrg: but not for lunch
(16:19:49) Tavgfrg: He eats them with a spoon, a metal spoon
(16:19:53) Tavgfrg: Made of metal
(16:20:18) Tavgfrg: He eats them from a bowl, a wooden bowl
(16:20:19) Tavgfrg: Made of wood
(16:20:58) Tavgfrg: And he takes whatever's left and he feeds it to his dog, and he takes whatever's left and he feeds it to his hamster
(16:21:06) Tavgfrg: but they eat fnarps for dinner too
(16:21:15) Tavgfrg: Lucas, the cannibalistic fnarp!
(16:22:02) Tavgfrg: Oh Lucas has a set of 87 plastic spoons
(16:22:18) Tavgfrg: They eat lots of fnarps and he uses them as catapults
(16:22:56) Tavgfrg: For boulders, the size of boulders
(16:23:01) Tavgfrg: He uses rubberbands that never snap
(16:23:22) Tavgfrg: For boulders, the size of boulders,
(16:23:32) Tavgfrg: It's all set up so all he has to do is clap
(16:23:53) Tavgfrg: clap!
(16:24:13) Tavgfrg: Oh he puts fnarps in rubberbands and he puts them in ropes
(16:24:56) Tavgfrg: He feeds them to his elephant (so everybody hopes)
(16:25:06) Tavgfrg: (because otherwise the elephant would just have to eat woodchips all day)
(16:25:20) Tavgfrg: He's Lucas, the cannibalistic fnarp!
(16:27:46) cubisrebuk: harry, have you read that article about the p-adics?
(16:27:59) Tavgfrg: the one from the 207 list?
(16:28:10) Tavgfrg: I skimmed it
(16:28:11) cubisrebuk: yes
(16:28:14) cubisrebuk: oh
(16:28:22) cubisrebuk: wait
(16:28:27) cubisrebuk: how long was this going on
(16:28:32) cubisrebuk: this fnarp business
(16:28:38) cubisrebuk: jesus christ!
(16:28:40) Tavgfrg: LOL
(16:28:42) cubisrebuk: I get back and what do I find
(16:29:13) Tavgfrg: I was basically expecting your first message to be "Harry, WHAT THE FUCK"
(16:29:22) cubisrebuk: haha
(16:29:36) cubisrebuk: well...ok.
(16:30:07) Tavgfrg: so the timestamps say the first one was at 16:18:38, last one at 16:25:20 (EST, of course), though I was about to continue when you got back (about how you know that eating green sludge is bad for you)
(16:30:34) cubisrebuk: dammit.
(16:30:37) Tavgfrg: so that's 7 minutes, plus 2 if you count till when you saw it
(16:34:35) Tavgfrg: you realize of course that that's all meant to be sung :D
(16:34:58) cubisrebuk: argh

Wherein Harry descends into the deepest pits of his buddy list

Or, wherein Harry tries to make a mundane task sound scary.

It was time to relabel, I had decided. My old reason for keeping 3 screennames - well, maybe it was not gone, maybe it was. The only way to see was to go and start relabeling things once kept under "Targfrg" and move them back to "Sniffnoy" until I no longer could. So I set out.

On the first level, whose sign read "Me", I found 9 copies of myself. They stood in groups of 3. While they were not all the same, each group was the same, but labeled under a different name; whenever one spoke, his two counterparts in the other group spoke the same. These I did not touch; these were the copies of myself that must be kept with every account. Unless Targfrg was to be eliminated entirely, these were not to be disturbed.

Going down a flight, I found a floor labeled "Main List". There were somewhat less than 25 stored here, and I relabeled them quickly and easily, and continued down the stairs.

The next level bore a sign reading "MSN Me". This was for MSN, not AIM, so I ignored it and continued down the stairs, as it clearly contained nothing to relabel. The next level was "MSN Main List"; I skipped this too for obvious reason.

The next two floors were called "Secondary List" and "Tertiary List", respectively; neither of these contained more than 32 entries, and they were again relabeled quickly. The next level, labeled "Individuals", was, on inspection, full of MSN names, and so I exited it quickly and continued on.

As I continued down the twisted stairs, I noticed a darkness ahead. It seemed the light had gone out on the next level; I ran back upstairs and quickly grabbed a flashlight. I continued on until I came to a room with a sign reading "Archive". This is going to be a chore, I realized. After looking through over a hundred entries and relabeling perhaps a third that many, I continued on down the stairs, flashlight still in hand.

The sign on the room on the floor below read "Deep Archive". It too was just as dark; I realized that the lights had probably gone out on *all* the levels below. I shone my light in. Names appeared in the darkness - old, worn out, decaying names. I took a few steps in. Dust flew up all around me, and as I looked around me I could only make out a name or two of the multitude through the dust could. I retreated, coughing, and this time glanced at the count on the door: There were over 200 names contained on that floor. Perhaps, I thought, I had best come back to this one.

I decided to go directly to the bottom and work my way upwards, for I knew I had not stored many on the very lowest floors. Indeed, I found to my delight that lights did, in fact, work on the lowest four. I quickly cleared through "Evil Robots", "The Bots", "Bwahahahaha...", and "EEEEVIL!" before I came to the floor directly below "Deep Archive": "Fnord."

I had to turn my light on again, but here at least I could see. Specifically, I could see it was a mess. This room had been used for more than one thing in its time; while I now used it to store people I did not know at all, originally it had a different purpose. This was where I had kept the retired names, those no longer in use. Now I simply kept them grouped with their current counterparts. I was going to have to do some reorganization as well as relabeling on this floor, I realized, and lots of running up and down stairs.

The room, because those names in it were used so rarely, was nicely sorted. All the things labeled "Sniffnoy" were in front, "Tavgfrg" behind them, and "Targfrg" in the very back. First I went through the Sniffnoys and the Tavgfrgs, running up and down the stairs to bring them to their proper room, often having to go all the way back up to Main List (and I couldn't even carry them in groups, mind you, I could only hold one of these things at a time - you'd be amazed how heavy a name is), often just tossing them into the Deep Archive without bothering to worry about the improper grouping this caused. I had to remove one duplicate Tavgfrg entry that I found. I often found myself wondering, as I worked my way through the names, why I should not just remove these names from this place entirely, since I never use them. I probably ought to, I still think; but I removed none save the duplicate, since I came down here to relabel, not to remove.

Finally, I was done with Fnord. All that was left was one flight above me, the Deep Archive. I had relabeled a "Deepest Void" down in Fnord, but the true holder of that honor was one flight above me. I slowly climbed the stairs, anticipating the horror awaiting me. I slowly walked in, so as not to disturb so much dust this time, and peered around, circling the room with my flashlight.

Suddenly, my flashlight went out, and I spooked, turned around, ran back to the wall (inadvertently stepping on several piles of names in the process) where I groped my way to the door and ran back up the stairs (as best I could with the light out) until I reached Individuals, where I sat, out of breath (I run out of breath pretty easily). I have yet to get a new battery and try again.

-Sniffnoy